Funny quotes
(page 3)
Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book.
I learned one thing about eating jigsaw puzzles... An hour later, you're hungry again.
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late — and strike oil'.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Pizza makes me think that anything is possible.
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
I think of dieting, then I eat pizza.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday'.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don't change diapers in midstream.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
'Classic'. A book which people praise and don't read.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion.
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