Funny quotes
(page 3)
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book.
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late — and strike oil'.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
'Do you pray for the senators, Dr. Hale?' No, I look at the senators and I pray for the country.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don't change diapers in midstream.
Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
'Classic'. A book which people praise and don't read.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
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