Funny quotes
(page 4)
Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late — and strike oil'.
Did you say I should get hair in the peanut butter, or I shouldn't?
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison — if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
It's easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman.
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
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