Funny quotes
(page 4)
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
Hi, Dexter! Oooooo, what does this button do?
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison — if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
You know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.
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