Funny quotes

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Naaaaa, that's stupid... I'll do anyway.

Did you know that if you eat fast you can eat more?

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

The English think they are free. They are free only during the election of members of parliament.

ALF: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it's run over by a car, you don't want it.

I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

I don't mind how much my Ministers talk, so long as they do what I say.

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm... gets eaten.