Funny quotes

Sort by date
Sort by rating

Naaaaa, that's stupid... I'll do anyway.

"ALF"

13

Did you know that if you eat fast you can eat more?

"ALF"

4

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Groucho Marx

4

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Mark Twain

4

The English think they are free. They are free only during the election of members of parliament.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

4

ALF: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it's run over by a car, you don't want it.

"ALF"

3

I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy.

Bernard Williams

3

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

3

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Robert A. Heinlein

3

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin

3

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

Mark Twain

3

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Mark Twain

3

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

3

I don't mind how much my Ministers talk, so long as they do what I say.

Margaret Thatcher

3

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

Lewis Black

3

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Bob Hope

3

Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.

Casey Stengel

3

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx

3

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

3

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm... gets eaten.

Norman Ralph Augustine

3

Random topics and author pages

Privacy Policy