Carol Burnett

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.

I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.

Comedy is tragedy — plus time.

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged.

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.