Mark Twain

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

'Classic'. A book which people praise and don't read.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.