Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
Famous funny quotes and phrases
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.