The English think they are free. They are free only during the election of members of parliament.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
One of the most feared expressions in modern times is 'The computer is down'.
The American Dream never really existed. It was a marketing scam.
I drink to make other people interesting.
How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room.
To be an ideal guest, stay at home.
This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
Famous funny quotes and phrases
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
The early bird gets the worm. The early worm... gets eaten.
If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.