Funny quotes

The English think they are free. They are free only during the election of members of parliament.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

2

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

2

One of the most feared expressions in modern times is 'The computer is down'.

Norman Ralph Augustine

1

The American Dream never really existed. It was a marketing scam.

James Altucher

1

I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan

1

How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?

Charles de Gaulle

3

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

W. C. Fields

2

Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room.

Christine Todd Whitman

2

To be an ideal guest, stay at home.

E. W. Howe

2

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

Winston Churchill

1

Famous funny quotes and phrases

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

1

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Henny Youngman

1

Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion.

Norman Schwarzkopf

2

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Mark Twain

1

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm... gets eaten.

Norman Ralph Augustine

3

If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.

Margaret Thatcher

1

Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar.

Lewis Black

1

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

3

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx

3

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

Christopher Morley

1
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