Andy Rooney

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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.