Funny quotes
(page 2)
ALF: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it's run over by a car, you don't want it.
The early bird gets the worm. The early worm... gets eaten.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book.
I learned one thing about eating jigsaw puzzles... An hour later, you're hungry again.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late — and strike oil'.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Pizza makes me think that anything is possible.
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.
I think of dieting, then I eat pizza.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday'.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
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