"ALF"
(page 4)

ALF: [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window.
Willie: And why was that?
ALF: Cause I was chasing him with a fork.

ALF: I know my rights, I watch People's Court.

Brian: ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?
ALF: I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney.

Willie: Stay away from the window, we've got a very nosy neighbor - Mrs. Ochmonek.
ALF: Ochmonek? Sounds like a typo.

ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken?
Willie: If you were in the woods.

ALF: On Melmac, we have 1st class, 2nd class and ham.

Brian: You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.
ALF: All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.

Kate: Don't break that remote.
ALF: Kate, have I ever broken anything?
[Kate stares at him]
ALF: Well, lately?
[pause]
ALF: This week?
[pause]
ALF: Today?
[pause]
ALF: Since breakfast?

ALF: We only have ten major organs, eight of which are stomachs.
Willie: I would have guessed all ten.

Lynn: You have a cousin named Blinky?
ALF: Well, we call him that because he likes to eat lightbulbs.

ALF: [sings to the tune of Camptown Ladies] Uncle Neal has gone away, doodaa doodaa. I can eat out here today, all dooday long - Everybody. Gone the holy day...
Willie: ALF. I really don't appreciate that at all.
ALF: Okay, so do you wanna hear how I changed the words to Helter Skelter?

ALF: Hey, you. Get offa my cloud.

ALF: Raining cats? You open the skylight and I'll get the relish.

ALF: Hey, Willie. Let's throw a cat on the barbie.

[Alf and Brian come out with two cans of something in their hand]
Kate: I said no soda pop.
Brian: It's not soda pop, it's beer.
ALF: [burps] You're about out of Coors!
Kate: What!? (grunts) Give those to me!
ALF: Hey, hey, careful his is still full!

ALF: [ALF is trying to hypnotize Lucky] You are getting sleepy. You... are no longer a cat. You are a bagel.

[ALF has just broken Willie's shortwave radio]
Willie: Do you know how long - *looooooong*... It took me ten years to put that thing together.
ALF: I'm glad to see you haven't wasted your life.

ALF: Are you gonna throw a hissy fit every time I squander a couple thousand dollars?

Willie: You know, Trevor. It seems this young man is a little Mister Fix-it.
Lynn: Little Mister Fix-it. How cute.
Jake Ochmonek: You want me, don't you?

ALF: [picking up Willie's glasses] Yeah, what is it about this Lash that you don't like?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel...
[tries on Willie's glasses]
ALF: Geez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?