"ALF"
(page 4)

[about ALF's "car"]
Lynn: What's that thing?
ALF: It's not a thing. It's an ALF Romeo.

[on a camping trip]
Willie: One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us.
ALF: Right. Let the alien starve.
Willie: I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you!
[pause]
Willie: How would you like your hamburger?
ALF: Medium rare. Hold the lightning.
Willie: How would you like to be 50% hair?
ALF: You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation.
Willie: I'm just trying to make this vacation fun.
ALF: How, by drowning us?
Willie: By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!
Kate: [annoyed] Guys, please.
ALF: Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest!
Willie: We're in this rainforest because of you!
ALF: I vote we go home.
Willie: You're not voting in this.
ALF: Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead!

Willie: I'm trying to make this vacation more fun. You might do it yourself instead of complaining all the time.

Lynn: Oh, Alf. What are we gonna do with you?
ALF: I guess you'll have to love me as long as it lasts.
Lynn: We will.

ALF: It's the day before Christmas, I've hidden all the eggs.
Willie: ALF, we hide eggs at Easter, not at Christmas.
ALF: Oh, that's right. Christmas is where we carve the pumpkin.

ALF: Tell me, which side of the earth does this nose come from? Ha!

[the Tanners are preparing for a garage sale]
ALF: How about this? A genuine, Melmacian, survival knife.
Brian: There's no blade.
ALF: Well, life on Melmac wasn't that tough.

ALF: [picking up Willie's glasses] Yeah, what is it about this Lash that you don't like?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel...
[tries on Willie's glasses]
ALF: Geez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?

Willie: You know, Trevor. It seems this young man is a little Mister Fix-it.
Lynn: Little Mister Fix-it. How cute.
Jake Ochmonek: You want me, don't you?

Trevor Ochmonek: Hey, Willie! Could we borrow some of your tools?
Willie: Sure. They're in your garage.

Willie: I'm gonna have my hamburger medium.
ALF: Medium? They are all the same size. Extra large.

Willie: [to Kate about ALF] He's odd. Even for an alien.

ALF: Like my old skeelball coach used to say: "Find something you're not good at, and then don't do it."

[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.

[ALF and Lynn are preparing a surprise dinner for Kate and Willie]
ALF: I just need to finish spit-shining these plates here.
Lynn: [grabbing the plates] That won't be necessary.
ALF: Fine, let them eat off dirty dishes.

Willie: Isn't there anybody else you could bother?
ALF: We voted. You were the people's choice.

Willie: Well, ALF, while we're gone, I trust you won't be getting into any mischief.
ALF: You do?
Willie: Not really, but we gotta go.

ALF: Melmac was the name of my planet. It's also what it was made out of.

Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.

ALF: Are you gonna throw a hissy fit every time I squander a couple thousand dollars?