"ALF"
(page 2)

Willie: Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do.
ALF: Well, that explains Ghostbusters II.

[ALF is trying to be a professional shrink and he's annoying Kate and Willie]
ALF: Speaking of aggravation, we've got to do something about Brian.
Kate: What's wrong with Brian?
ALF: He's been experiencing some negative stroking from Kate lately.
Kate: [in a sudden burst of anger] All right. That's it.
Willie: Calm down.
ALF: Stop ventilating.
Kate: I am not ventilating. I am talking.
[to Willie]
Kate: And I resent the implication that I'm having a negative effect on my son's outlook. Oh I give up. I give up.
ALF: You're letting out your emotions. Good. Now we can make some real progress.
Willie: And you are spouting out a lot of psychological clichés you don't even understand.
ALF: Why so hostile, Willie? I'm okay. You're okay.
Willie: This must stop.
ALF: That's right. A good scream. Let it fly.
Willie: You cannot keep aggravating people like this.
ALF: Why do you hate your mother?

[ALF has just squirted Willie with a squirting flower]
Willie: You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

[Kate tries to help Jake to talk to a girl]
Kate: If it would be any help at all, you could practice on me.
Jake Ochmonek: It wouldn't be the same, Mrs. Tanner. Laura's much more... she's beautiful.
Kate: [coldly] I see.
[she leaves]
ALF: [to Jake] You've got a way with women.

Jake Ochmonek: Laura's very curious about her secret admirer, so I was thinking like actually saying something to her.
ALF: Danger, Will Robinson.

ALF: Trust me, I'll have her running trough the streets screaming your name. If the cops don't pick her up, she'll be yours.

[Kate refuses ALF to baby-sit Eric]
ALF: But why, why?
Kate: Why? Cause you're irresponsible. You trashed the living room, blew up the kitchen, wallpapered the shower...
ALF: It was a rhetorical question.

ALF: Oh, by the way, don't bother looking for your laxative on a rope.
Willie: Oh, you mean my soap on a rope?
ALF: Trust me on this one.

ALF: I can see you're still one sandwich short of a picnic.

[Willie and Kate are debating on whether or not they should tell Kate's mother about ALF]
Willie: I suppose we just sit her down and ask her if she's ever seen E.T.?
ALF: Why do you keep comparing me to E.T.? You know, Willie, someday, when people ask me what you're like, I'll ask them "Did you ever see 'The Nutty Professor'?"

Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book.

ALF: That's it. I say we fight violence with violence. That's how we used to solve things back home.
Willie: But ALF, don't you remember what happened to your planet?
ALF: Well, it blew up in a nuclear holocaust. Why?
Willie: Don't you see the connection?
ALF: [pause] What connection?
Willie: I give up.
ALF: Me too. I'm gonna lay down. My head is spinning. Maybe a cold cream sundae.

Kate: What are you doing?
ALF: [with a sunlamp in front of his head] Oh, soaking up rays, Babe. Your sunlamp's not working. I've been sitting here for five hours, Nada.
Kate: Five hours? ALF, you're lucky you didn't get a sunburn.
ALF: [Kate touches him] Aaah!
Kate: Sorry.
ALF: Aah, oh, it hurts, it hurts.
Kate: Well, would you like some cold cream?
ALF: Yeah, but just one scoop, I'm on a diet.
Kate: It's for your nose.
ALF: That's where I'm trying to lose the weight.
Kate: ALF, I'm talking about cold cream. Not ice cream. Cold cream. You understand?
ALF: You're talking like they're two different things.
Kate: They *are*! Haven't you been listening?
ALF: What is this, healing through hollering?

Yo, Lucky my man!

I learned one thing about eating jigsaw puzzles... An hour later, you're hungry again.

Hmmm, immediate gratification versus long term security... I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING!

I've decided to reveal myself to the world. This way I can meet new people, travel, see a Grateful Dead concert.

Look at this, they've got me wired for cable! Let's see, which was the button for a cheeseburger?

Oh no! Rain drops are falling on my pig!

ALF: I wasn't known on Melmac as the whiz kid for my scholastic ability.