Funny quotes
(page 7)
Hi, Dexter! Oooooo, what does this button do?
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison — if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
You know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
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