Funny quotes
(page 7)
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
ALF: [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window.
Willie: And why was that?
ALF: Cause I was chasing him with a fork.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
I think of animals more as spirits that come and go. They enter our lives at a particular time and they leave at a particular time. The whole glorious history of animals with people is about joy and connection. It's about loving this creature and letting this creature love you.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Loading ...