Funny quotes
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I'm an instant star. Just add water and stir.
It's easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.