Funny quotes
(page 6)
Hi, Dexter! Oooooo, what does this button do?
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison — if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
You know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.
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