Funny quotes
(page 5)
Hi, Dexter! Oooooo, what does this button do?
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
I think of animals more as spirits that come and go. They enter our lives at a particular time and they leave at a particular time. The whole glorious history of animals with people is about joy and connection. It's about loving this creature and letting this creature love you.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison — if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
You know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.
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