Funny quotes
(page 6)
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy.
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late — and strike oil'.
Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
You can't keep changing men, so you settle for changing your lipstick.
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I think of animals more as spirits that come and go. They enter our lives at a particular time and they leave at a particular time. The whole glorious history of animals with people is about joy and connection. It's about loving this creature and letting this creature love you.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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