Joey Adams

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The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late — and strike oil'.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.