Funny quotes
(page 5)
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Pizza makes me think that anything is possible.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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