"ALF"
(page 6)

ALF: [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window.
Willie: And why was that?
ALF: Cause I was chasing him with a fork.

ALF: I know my rights, I watch People's Court.

[at the cat Lucky's funeral]
ALF: Where I'm from, this is ludicrous. It's like having a funeral for a hamburger.

ALF: Kate, have I ever lied to you?
Kate: Yes. Several times.
ALF: I meant today.

ALF: Mind if I showed you a trick?
Kate: The last time you showed me a trick, it took three weeks for my eyebrows to grow back.
ALF: I told you not to lean in.

Lynn: You have a cousin named Blinky?
ALF: Well, we call him that because he likes to eat lightbulbs.

Willie: This is a jigsaw puzzle.
ALF: It's broken.
Willie: That's the object, ALF. You're supposed to put it together.
ALF: Why? I didn't break it.

ALF: All right. Let me see if I've got this reindeer thing straight. There's... uh... there's Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid... Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
Lynn: No, it's Prancer, Dancer, Vixen, Blitzen...
ALF: Huey, Duey and Luey.
Brian: No, those are ducks.
ALF: Then how do they pull the sleigh?

Kate: ALF, you can use the portable TV in the bedroom.
ALF: But it's too small. It makes everyone look like Danny DeVito.

Kate: Do you remember when you thought Mr. Littwak was building an atomic bomb in his basement?
ALF: It was an atomic bomb.
Willie: It was a pool heather.
ALF: Hah. The Littwak's don't even own a pool.
Kate: Yes, they do.
ALF: They do? Can we go over?

ALF: [ALF is trying to hypnotize Lucky] You are getting sleepy. You... are no longer a cat. You are a bagel.

Willie: [to Kate about ALF] He's odd. Even for an alien.

Willie: I'm gonna have my hamburger medium.
ALF: Medium? They are all the same size. Extra large.

Trevor Ochmonek: Hey, Willie! Could we borrow some of your tools?
Willie: Sure. They're in your garage.

Willie: You know, Trevor. It seems this young man is a little Mister Fix-it.
Lynn: Little Mister Fix-it. How cute.
Jake Ochmonek: You want me, don't you?

ALF: [picking up Willie's glasses] Yeah, what is it about this Lash that you don't like?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel...
[tries on Willie's glasses]
ALF: Geez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?

ALF: Uh, can I make a suggestion? Hello, read my lips.

ALF: [Opens curtains] I decided to go outside and wait for the pizza, big mistake. [Window falls on his head, then his fingers, then ALF falls out the window]

ALF: Hey, what's going on in here?
Willie: We're having a family meeting.
ALF: Oh I get it, freeze out the alien. I guess I'm not part of the family.
Kate: Uh ALF, we thought you were watching The 3 Stooges.
ALF: I turned it off. Somehow I just can't buy Shemp as a surgeon.
Brian: Curly was a senator once.
ALF: True, and Moe was Speaker of the House.
Willie: Could we put an end to the Stooge talk here for a minute?
ALF: Sootaintly, whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo, ha ha ha.

ALF: Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?
Kate: Why?
ALF: The cat won't fit in the toaster.