"ALF"
(page 6)

ALF: [about Lucky] Last time I saw him he was high-tailing it out the window.
Willie: And why was that?
ALF: Cause I was chasing him with a fork.

ALF: I know my rights, I watch People's Court.

Brian: ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?
ALF: I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney.

Willie: Stay away from the window, we've got a very nosy neighbor - Mrs. Ochmonek.
ALF: Ochmonek? Sounds like a typo.

ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken?
Willie: If you were in the woods.

Brian: You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.
ALF: All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.

ALF: Mind if I showed you a trick?
Kate: The last time you showed me a trick, it took three weeks for my eyebrows to grow back.
ALF: I told you not to lean in.

Lynn: You have a cousin named Blinky?
ALF: Well, we call him that because he likes to eat lightbulbs.

ALF: All right. Let me see if I've got this reindeer thing straight. There's... uh... there's Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid... Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
Lynn: No, it's Prancer, Dancer, Vixen, Blitzen...
ALF: Huey, Duey and Luey.
Brian: No, those are ducks.
ALF: Then how do they pull the sleigh?

ALF: Hey, you. Get offa my cloud.

ALF: Raining cats? You open the skylight and I'll get the relish.

Kate: Do you remember when you thought Mr. Littwak was building an atomic bomb in his basement?
ALF: It was an atomic bomb.
Willie: It was a pool heather.
ALF: Hah. The Littwak's don't even own a pool.
Kate: Yes, they do.
ALF: They do? Can we go over?

ALF: [ALF is trying to hypnotize Lucky] You are getting sleepy. You... are no longer a cat. You are a bagel.

[ALF has just broken Willie's shortwave radio]
Willie: Do you know how long - *looooooong*... It took me ten years to put that thing together.
ALF: I'm glad to see you haven't wasted your life.

Trevor Ochmonek: Hey, Willie! Could we borrow some of your tools?
Willie: Sure. They're in your garage.

Willie: You know, Trevor. It seems this young man is a little Mister Fix-it.
Lynn: Little Mister Fix-it. How cute.
Jake Ochmonek: You want me, don't you?

ALF: [picking up Willie's glasses] Yeah, what is it about this Lash that you don't like?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel...
[tries on Willie's glasses]
ALF: Geez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?

ALF: Tell me, which side of the earth does this nose come from? Ha!

ALF: It's the day before Christmas, I've hidden all the eggs.
Willie: ALF, we hide eggs at Easter, not at Christmas.
ALF: Oh, that's right. Christmas is where we carve the pumpkin.

ALF: Hey, what's going on in here?
Willie: We're having a family meeting.
ALF: Oh I get it, freeze out the alien. I guess I'm not part of the family.
Kate: Uh ALF, we thought you were watching The 3 Stooges.
ALF: I turned it off. Somehow I just can't buy Shemp as a surgeon.
Brian: Curly was a senator once.
ALF: True, and Moe was Speaker of the House.
Willie: Could we put an end to the Stooge talk here for a minute?
ALF: Sootaintly, whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo, ha ha ha.