"ALF"
(page 7)

ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken?
Willie: If you were in the woods.

Brian: You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.
ALF: All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.

ALF: Raining cats? You open the skylight and I'll get the relish.

ALF: Tell me, which side of the earth does this nose come from? Ha!

ALF: It's the day before Christmas, I've hidden all the eggs.
Willie: ALF, we hide eggs at Easter, not at Christmas.
ALF: Oh, that's right. Christmas is where we carve the pumpkin.

No problem, just leave me the keys to the liquor cabinet!

ALF: A minute and a half, Luckmiester, then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon.

ALF: Putting humans in charge of the earth, is the cosmic equivalence of letting Eddie Murphy direct.

Willie: When the babysitter is here, ALF, you are going to have to be in the attic.
ALF: Oh, great, prison. Why don't you just stick me in a sweatbox?
Willie: Were all making adjustments here, ALF. Your not gonna be there all that much...
ALF: Attica. Attica. Attica.

ALF: Once we add sound, color and stick Eddie Murphy in there somewhere, it'll be a smash.

Willie: I never meant to bring Jimbo over.
ALF: You brought an elephant home to dinner?
Willie: I said Jimbo, not Jumbo.

ALF: Carl Jung was a big weenyhead.

Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.

Willie: Well, ALF, while we're gone, I trust you won't be getting into any mischief.
ALF: You do?
Willie: Not really, but we gotta go.

[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.

[the Tanners are preparing for a garage sale]
ALF: How about this? A genuine, Melmacian, survival knife.
Brian: There's no blade.
ALF: Well, life on Melmac wasn't that tough.

Willie: I'm trying to make this vacation more fun. You might do it yourself instead of complaining all the time.

ALF: Who said I'm gonna walk? I'm gonna drive my new Mercedes. What do you say? Burgundy with the tan interior.

Oreos!?! My kinda people!

Jake Ochmonek: Can't I stay with the Tanners? I'm allergic to Kitch.
Lynn: Go, enjoy. Drink the water. Adios!