"ALF"
(page 7)

ALF: I know my rights, I watch People's Court.

ALF: [ALF is trying to hypnotize Lucky] You are getting sleepy. You... are no longer a cat. You are a bagel.

Willie: You know, Trevor. It seems this young man is a little Mister Fix-it.
Lynn: Little Mister Fix-it. How cute.
Jake Ochmonek: You want me, don't you?

ALF: [picking up Willie's glasses] Yeah, what is it about this Lash that you don't like?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel...
[tries on Willie's glasses]
ALF: Geez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?

ALF: Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?
Kate: Why?
ALF: The cat won't fit in the toaster.

Brilliant! This and the letter 'I' in one day.

ALF: A minute and a half, Luckmiester, then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon.

ALF: Putting humans in charge of the earth, is the cosmic equivalence of letting Eddie Murphy direct.

Willie: When the babysitter is here, ALF, you are going to have to be in the attic.
ALF: Oh, great, prison. Why don't you just stick me in a sweatbox?
Willie: Were all making adjustments here, ALF. Your not gonna be there all that much...
ALF: Attica. Attica. Attica.

ALF: Once we add sound, color and stick Eddie Murphy in there somewhere, it'll be a smash.

Willie: I never meant to bring Jimbo over.
ALF: You brought an elephant home to dinner?
Willie: I said Jimbo, not Jumbo.

ALF: Carl Jung was a big weenyhead.

Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.

Willie: Well, ALF, while we're gone, I trust you won't be getting into any mischief.
ALF: You do?
Willie: Not really, but we gotta go.

[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.

[the Tanners are preparing for a garage sale]
ALF: How about this? A genuine, Melmacian, survival knife.
Brian: There's no blade.
ALF: Well, life on Melmac wasn't that tough.

Willie: I'm trying to make this vacation more fun. You might do it yourself instead of complaining all the time.

ALF: Who said I'm gonna walk? I'm gonna drive my new Mercedes. What do you say? Burgundy with the tan interior.

Oreos!?! My kinda people!

Jake Ochmonek: Can't I stay with the Tanners? I'm allergic to Kitch.
Lynn: Go, enjoy. Drink the water. Adios!