"ALF"
(page 7)

ALF: How about a hug for the ol' ALFer.

Willie: You can't vote, ALF , you're not a citizen.
ALF: I'll apply for a green card.
Willie: That's only if you want a job.
ALF: Pass.
[pause]
ALF: I know, I'll marry Lynn. Become a citizen, vote, then drop her of like a hot potato.
Willie: ALF...
ALF: Sure it will be hard on her first. She'll cry, drink a little too much. Join with a bongo player named Waquine.
Willie: ALF.
ALF: You'd like Waquine, he doesn't like beets.
Willie: Neither you or Waquine may marry my daughter and you may not vote.
ALF: Fine. I have not voice in government, Waquine will get deported, and they'll make him eat beets.
Willie: How many cups of coffee have you had?
ALF: Forty. Why?

Jake Ochmonek: Why do we have to wear meat at this ceremony anyway?
ALF: 'Cause the high priest on Melmac was also the butcher.

Willie: Isn't there anybody else you could bother?
ALF: We voted. You were the people's choice.

ALF: If Lynn starts humming the "Battle Hymn of the Republic," I'm pulling the plug on this production!

Never mind the curtains, put me out!

ALF: A minute and a half, Luckmiester, then I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon.

ALF: Putting humans in charge of the earth, is the cosmic equivalence of letting Eddie Murphy direct.

Willie: When the babysitter is here, ALF, you are going to have to be in the attic.
ALF: Oh, great, prison. Why don't you just stick me in a sweatbox?
Willie: Were all making adjustments here, ALF. Your not gonna be there all that much...
ALF: Attica. Attica. Attica.

ALF: Once we add sound, color and stick Eddie Murphy in there somewhere, it'll be a smash.

Willie: I never meant to bring Jimbo over.
ALF: You brought an elephant home to dinner?
Willie: I said Jimbo, not Jumbo.

ALF: Carl Jung was a big weenyhead.

Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.

Willie: Well, ALF, while we're gone, I trust you won't be getting into any mischief.
ALF: You do?
Willie: Not really, but we gotta go.

[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.

[the Tanners are preparing for a garage sale]
ALF: How about this? A genuine, Melmacian, survival knife.
Brian: There's no blade.
ALF: Well, life on Melmac wasn't that tough.

Willie: I'm trying to make this vacation more fun. You might do it yourself instead of complaining all the time.

ALF: Who said I'm gonna walk? I'm gonna drive my new Mercedes. What do you say? Burgundy with the tan interior.

Oreos!?! My kinda people!

Jake Ochmonek: Can't I stay with the Tanners? I'm allergic to Kitch.
Lynn: Go, enjoy. Drink the water. Adios!