Quotes from movies
(page 7)
There's no place like home.
A martini. Shaken, not stirred.
ALF: Willie. If a window was broken in the woods, but there was no-one there to hear it, would it really be broken?
Willie: If you were in the woods.
ALF: On Melmac, we have 1st class, 2nd class and ham.
Brian: You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF.
ALF: All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something.
Kate: Don't break that remote.
ALF: Kate, have I ever broken anything?
[Kate stares at him]
ALF: Well, lately?
[pause]
ALF: This week?
[pause]
ALF: Today?
[pause]
ALF: Since breakfast?
ALF: We only have ten major organs, eight of which are stomachs.
Willie: I would have guessed all ten.
ALF: [sings to the tune of Camptown Ladies] Uncle Neal has gone away, doodaa doodaa. I can eat out here today, all dooday long - Everybody. Gone the holy day...
Willie: ALF. I really don't appreciate that at all.
ALF: Okay, so do you wanna hear how I changed the words to Helter Skelter?
[the Tanners talk about ALF getting to know Willie's brother]
Lynn: He's a wonderful guy, with a terrific sense of humor.
ALF: I'm not gonna marry him, if that's what you're getting at.
Willie: You're meeting my brother, it's not the Pope.
ALF: I'd rather meet the Pope. I love his hats.
ALF: Hey, you. Get offa my cloud.
ALF: Raining cats? You open the skylight and I'll get the relish.
ALF: Hey, Willie. Let's throw a cat on the barbie.
ALF: The only good cat is a stir-fried cat.
[Alf and Brian come out with two cans of something in their hand]
Kate: I said no soda pop.
Brian: It's not soda pop, it's beer.
ALF: [burps] You're about out of Coors!
Kate: What!? (grunts) Give those to me!
ALF: Hey, hey, careful his is still full!
ALF: Are you gonna throw a hissy fit every time I squander a couple thousand dollars?
ALF: Tell me, which side of the earth does this nose come from? Ha!
ALF: It's the day before Christmas, I've hidden all the eggs.
Willie: ALF, we hide eggs at Easter, not at Christmas.
ALF: Oh, that's right. Christmas is where we carve the pumpkin.
Lynn: Oh, Alf. What are we gonna do with you?
ALF: I guess you'll have to love me as long as it lasts.
Lynn: We will.
Army officer: Mrs. Tanner?
Kate: Yes, who are you?
Army officer: I am Captain Blackstone of the Alien Task Force, an adjunct of Edwards Air Force Base. Have you seen an alien with orange fur, three feet tall, with a big nose?
Kate: What would be done to the creature?
Army officer: Our usual tests. Intense heat, freezing cold, injections with different toxins, and finally, dissection.
Kate: Why don't you just rip its toenails off while you are at it?
Army officer: Oh yes, that too. Well, I am going to assume you do not know what I am talking about. Good day, Mrs. Tanner.
Kate: Sir, who told you that we saw space aliens?
Army officer: I am sorry M'aam but that is classified information. As such, the informant must remain ochmononek - I mean anonymous.
No problem, just leave me the keys to the liquor cabinet!
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