"ALF"
(page 8)

Willie: I never meant to bring Jimbo over.
ALF: You brought an elephant home to dinner?
Willie: I said Jimbo, not Jumbo.

[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.

ALF: Who said I'm gonna walk? I'm gonna drive my new Mercedes. What do you say? Burgundy with the tan interior.

Oreos!?! My kinda people!

ALF: Hey, I wonder if Horrowitz is going to fight back against the man who gave him that suit!

Kate: Willie, have you noticed that ALF's been acting rather strange lately?
Willie: Yeah, going on three years now.
Kate: No, I mean about last night when he apologized for every bad thing he's done since he got here. Alphabetically.
Willie: Oh. I got lost in between drain cloggage and drywall damage.
Kate: Then I guess you missed the part where he confessed to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby!
[Willie reacts, then there's a knock on the door.]
Trevor: Hey, Tanners! It's me!
Willie: Morning.
Trevor: Good morning. I'll take it.
Kate: Take what?
Trevor: Your house! [He holds up a sign he found on the front yard.]
Willie: [reading sign] House for sale? $4,000! You found that on our lawn?
Trevor: Yeah! I can let you have $100 up front if you'll finance the rest.
Willie: No. I mean, we're not selling the house.
Kate: Someone must've put that on our lawn as a kind of prank.
Trevor: Oh, too bad. This place would've made a nice summer home for me and Raquel.

You wanted me to use a flash?!?

Have 'em throw the book at this guy, preferably something by James Mitchman.

This is the way we diaper our kid, diaper our kid, diaper our kid, this is the way we diaper our kid and (drop!)... This is how we drop it.