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Henny Youngman

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

2

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

2

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

1

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

1

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

1

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

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