Andy Rooney

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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

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One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

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The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

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