Demetri Martin
I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No'. And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
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To survive in peace and harmony...There is an eagle in me that wants to soar...I'll have what she's having...Once our carrier fleet went all nuclear in 2005...You have to grow from the inside out...The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church...
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