Demetri Martin
I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No'. And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
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Poetry is simply the most beautiful...A man's character may be learned from the adjectives...Don't judge each day by the harvest...It's not the hair on your head that matters...Nobody owes anybody a living...Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration...
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