Ogden Nash

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.