Ogden Nash

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The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

2

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

1

No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done.

2

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

3

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

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Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

2

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

2

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

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I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

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Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

1

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

3

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

1

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

1

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

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