Mark Twain
(page 7)

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.