Mark Twain
(page 7)

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's I mean.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.