Mark Twain
(page 7)

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's I mean.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.