Mark Twain
(page 7)

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.