Mark Twain
(page 7)

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.