Mark Twain
(page 5)

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's I mean.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.