Mark Twain
(page 5)

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's I mean.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.