Mark Twain
(page 4)

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

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When in doubt, tell the truth.

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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

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Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

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Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

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Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.

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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

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There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

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The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

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The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

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The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

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The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

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The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

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The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

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