Mark Twain
(page 2)

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.

Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one - the solitary one - that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices - the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also - in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind.

Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.