Woody Allen

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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.