Myself
(page 2)
The burden of the self is lightened with I laugh at myself.
My marks were always bad, and I was a bad influence on other children, so they would explain to my mother that they could retain me only by being partial towards me, and so I should offer to leave the school myself. I would barely get 40-50% and was also extremely naughty.
I don't think of myself as hot or cool or anything, just a dork.
My father left his piano at the house when he left, and I wasn't allowed to play it when he was there because I wasn't as good as him. So when he left, I was determined to get as good as him, and I taught myself how to play music, and I just stuck with it, and I did it all the time.
When I was 16, I filmed an episode of 'Full House' where my family goes to Disney World. I remember putting on baggy overalls just to hide my stomach. When I watched it, I was pretty disappointed and bummed out looking at myself... I didn't feel good about my own body.
Nobody challenges me. I challenge myself.
I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.
In Van Halen there were moments, like in some of the ballads, I put my heart and soul into those records. Those lyrics when I sang 'em, I gave myself goosebumps.
Sometimes, I pinch myself. Through everything, its about hard work... believing in yourself and in the American dream. Believe that you can make something out of yourself.
I'd sometimes go to Paris by myself — it was an easy two-hour train ride — to get a break from the everyday grind, to walk around a big city, ride a subway, feel the energy of a world capital.
When my wife died, I booked myself into the studio just to work, to occupy myself.
I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
I don't compare myself to anyone else; I don't make comments about anyone else because they do what feels right for them, and that's okay by me.
I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be okay.
I am not a conventionally religious man, but in the wilderness I have come closest to finding myself and knowing the universe and accepting God — by which I mean accepting all that I don't know.
I treat myself pretty good. I take lots of vacations, I eat well, I take supplements, I do mercury detox, I get plenty of sleep, I drink plenty of water and I stay away from drama and stress.
December used to be very difficult for me. For many years, I fought the transition to the new year, was generally exhausted at the end of the year, and just wanted to hide. I described myself as a 'cranky Jewish kid who felt left out by Christmas'.
I have a family, loving aunts, and a good home. No, on the surface I seem to have everything except my one true friend. All I think about when I'm with friends is having a good time. I can't bring myself to talk about anything but ordinary everyday things. We don't seem to be able to get any closer, and that's the problem.
I used to keep injuries to myself. It would just make it worse and worse. Now I'm having none of that.
Headwise, I always kind of knew that everyone goes grey in our family very early — and I was like, it works for me. I started growing my beard, and it changes the shape of your skull and your face, and I started seeing my mother's side of the family in myself for the first time.
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