Bill Vaughan

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

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By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

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The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

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We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

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The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.

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A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

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Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income — which he then spends sending his son to college.

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If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.

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People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong.

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In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.

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