Joan Rivers
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep'.
More quotes and aphorisms
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year...As long as you're green, you're growing...Only married people understand you can be miserable...Happiness doesn't come from being rich...The first lesson of economics is scarcity...A child educated only at school is an uneducated child...