W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
More quotes and aphorisms
You say to a brick, 'What do you want, brick?'...Let's have a snack now...The world is like a grand staircase...We must, all of us, learn actually not to have enemies...To wake up to the sound of my son saying...The lower you fall, the higher you'll fly...