Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
When we speak we are afraid our words...A good listener is not only popular everywhere...Here are the values that I stand for...The eagle has no fear of adversity. We need to be...The only man who is really free is the one who can...Colonialism subdues in many dulcet guises...