Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
Sadness flies away on the wings of time...Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it...Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out...True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind...I think anybody who looks at my record will say...Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star...
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