Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
I am confident that in the end freedom and democracy...I went on all over the States, ranting poems...The main thing is to make history, not to write it...As we struggle to make sense of things...It is important for me that I represent a brand...Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died...
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