Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
Ignorance is bold and knowledge reserved...We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation...As a chef, I feel that it is my duty to make...My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners...Culture makes people understand each other better...I've learned never to say never...
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