Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
I feel a burden if I don't write...A father is a man who expects his son to be...He had not yet learned that the only safe male rebuke...Motherhood has most definitely changed me...I believe in true love, and I believe in happy endings...All tyranny needs to gain a foothold...
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