Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
What people don't understand is joining...Anorexia is a response to cultural images of the female...The Liberal Party will not vote...The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy...Life is like a wheel. Sooner or later, it always come...Victory goes to the player...