Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
Alcohol is necessary for a man...The sixties were characterized by a heady belief...Today I choose life...When I was 16, I filmed an episode of 'Full House'...You can't vote, ALF...Message boards are like going to a Halloween...
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