Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
Happiness is not something you postpone...If a child goes the wrong way, it is not the child...I never lie. I believe everything I say...Anybody can become angry — that is easy...It is not from the benevolence of the butcher...Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do...
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