Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
I figure it's almost like a balance...You can't trust water...There are good days and there are bad days...Turquoise is my birthstone; I'm a Sagittarius...Abortion opponents say women seek abortions in haste...The practical importance of the preservation...
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