Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
Holidays — any holiday — are such a great opportunity...Aliens didn't come down to Earth and give us...A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art...Life is so constructed, that the event does not...Grief changes shape, but it never ends...I'd sometimes go to Paris by myself...
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