Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
There is no avoiding war; it can only be postponed...I don't give a damn...Never get involved with a business that you can't...When solving problems, dig at the roots...There are two powers in the world; one is the sword...My ideal man is faithful, honest, and a gentleman...
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