Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
More quotes and aphorisms
It was wonderful to find...I have lived a long life, and I am proud that I spend...You become responsible, forever...And he that strives to touch the stars...Being a father has been, without a doubt...Some of my happiest moments have been dancing...
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