Carol Burnett

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It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

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Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

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In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.

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I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.

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Comedy is tragedy — plus time.

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I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

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Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

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Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

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You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

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We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

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I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

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When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged.

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When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

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Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

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