Mark Twain
(page 5)

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Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

2

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

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Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

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Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

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Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

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It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

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It is easier to stay out than get out.

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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

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It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

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It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

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It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

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In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.

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